Gay Man's Partner Dies, Family Behaves Like Vultures

The following email arrived in our inbox this morning. The name of the author and certain identifying information were redacted. Otherwise, here is his entire letter:

Hello I have a legal issue that I was hoping you could advise me with. I live in the state of __________ and recently lost my Partner (Husband to me) unexpectedly and am hoping that you can help me with something that would mean more to me than anything else I can think of.

When my partner passed, his family moved in like vultures and took many of the things that he owned, they were gracious enough to leave me with the things that he had gotten me but anything that he personally owned they took except those that they didn't know about, i.e. his wallet and ring.

My problem is that when they made the final arrangements I was completely cut out of it. My partner was cremated and his remains are being stored with his mothers holiday and unneeded items, because to quote his sister "We don't know what the hell to do with him."

More than anything this causes me a lot of hurt. My question is would there be any way possible I could have his remains legally?

We lived together for 4 years and I have documents showing that we lived together and shared monthly rental payments.

Any help you could provide me with whether anything is possible or not would be greatly appreciated. This is something that bothers me every night and to know whether I can do something about honoring him as he deserves would help to put my mind at rest.

Thank you for any response you are able to give and thank you for providing a class of people who are so undervalued the help they need to provide for the ones that they love.

Signed

Name Withheld

Hello --

We are deeply sorry for your loss. How awful that you are forced to deal with such traumatic disrespect from your partner's biological family while also grieving his loss. Before we can answer your question about whether you have any legal recourse, we need to ask if you and your partner signed any legal documents giving one another rights and benefits you do not automatically get because your state does not recognize your relationship?

For example, Advance Directives (Living Will, Power of Attorney for Finances and Medical Power of Attorney), Disposition of Remains (granting you the right to take possession of and make decisions about your partner's remains), Last Will and Testament (giving you the right to settle your partner's estate and the right to inherit his property), etc.

Even though you can prove you and your partner lived together and shared expenses, the state of _________ considers you to be mere roommates.

Only legal family members have automatic rights and that is why gay and lesbian couples need to put their wishes in writing -- to override those familial rights.

If your partner never signed any legal documents that granted to you those rights, authorities and benefits, there is probably nothing you can do. You see, because you are gay, your state considers you a complete stranger to your partner -- no matter how much you loved one another or how long you were together before he died.

If you and your partner did sign any of these documents, you may have legal standing to regain your property and possession of your partner's ashes.

In the meantime, we look forward to hearing back from you.

Carrie & Elisia